Sunday, November 27, 2011

Still,

aches from time to time.
D.
Sigh.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Deter,

What good will end.
Choice of the ending.
What bad shall also end.
Or choice of continuing.

Do I have determination?
Or motivation?
Both?
One or the other?
Or none at all.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Records show,

that I can love the best and make it worthwhile.
then why is the present not reflecting the past.
why are we setting fire to the rain.

Autumn this time around,

I can't tell the difference.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Birthday.

June24, happy 17th best.
June 25, 18th, yours truly.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Flowing with insane fire,


 Days has been going smoothly. 
A bit of madness.
Insane.
Insanity.
Heat.
Passion.
Magnetized.
Cravings.
Fulfillments.
Although nights have been a bit more lonely,
patience can get a little hint of tension.

Side note: I found my new roommate for my upcoming semester at San Fran State! Jodie Esaki. Can't wait.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Shine,

you shine through to me.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Fake,


When smiles are so big, when happiness is just plainly just in the smile,
the fire inside burns brightest,
the fire to burn,
from inside to the outside,
slowly
kept in.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Graduation day,

was yesterday.
Invited was the people I cared most about.
Well, except the parentals.
So a chapter of my life has come to an end.
But there shall be a next continuing chapter.
I wonder what the future has in store for me.
I crave the freedom that lies ahead of me.
The success that comes along after that.
The achievements.
And the pay offs.
Years from today, I sorta wonder who and how I'd be.
Would my best friend now still be my best friend then?
Or...
Would the people that matter now still matter later on?
I've got no idea.
But hey,
moving forward may be scary,
but going back is comparable to death.
Childhood.
Adolescence.
Adulthood.
Metamorphosis.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Jazz.

We're under the sheets and you're killing 
me.

I adore you. 

Friday, May 20, 2011

Proposal,

I said I wouldn't get married.
Or have kids.
And I'd only get married just to get married.
And wear the dress.
And go on a honeymoon.
But I think,
I'll say yes to the love only if,
love proposes with a darling snake ring.
Daring.
Love.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


“Goat demons shall greet each other; there too the lilith will repose.”

-Isaiah 34:14

http://occult.livejournal.com/302920.html 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Leighton Meester & Mike Frieman of Check in the Dark - "The Stand In" (C...

LYRICS:
i saw an angel night before last
they come from kentucky, who'd have thought that?
she had a smile, it was so genuinely kind
sorta make you feel like you're sipping on some fine red wine

she rendered me speechless, well she rendered me still
she had me feeling like the fool on the hill
she said she's taken but i don't believe
that she could be meant for anybody but me

angels come from kentucky i guess
sweet sweet girl you made my head a mess
you got me locked out here, dancing in the rain
drunk with the thought of your smiling face
i know you are an angel and it can not be
but what if it was you and what if it was me
and...what if 600 years ago, you were juliet and I was...
well you know how that story goes....

so what if its a puzzle and you're the only piece the only jig to make my saw complete
what if i go stumbling for the rest of my days because i am a cripple and you were my cane oh no....
angels come from kentucky i guess
sweet sweet girl you made my head a mess
you got me locked out here, dancing in the rain
drunk with the thought of your smiling face
i know you are an angel and it can not be
but what if it was you and what if it was me
and...what if 600 years ago, you were juliet and I was...
well you know how that story goes....

Friday, May 13, 2011

OPEN SPACE

OPEN SPACE
http://blog.sfmoma.org/2011/05/henry-urbach-on-tobias-wong/

"Charismatic? Absolutely. But perhaps something more than that: this project was an act of love. It was fueled by loss and regret and admiration — an obstinate, urgent commitment to honor and sustain. In museum galleries, the charismatic and bureaucratic will, ideally, find homeostasis or at least a delicate balance. But not always. Doesn’t love, after all, owe more to madness than reason?"

Saturday, May 7, 2011

I'm willing to take the risk,

"So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride,
What if I lose my heart and fail the climb?
I won't forgive me if I give up trying,."

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Lie,

Something I don't have to do and haven't done.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Ahead,

The other day, I came across this picture. Obviously this is not an image of me. I did not take this picture. But this picture struck a lot of emotion inside of me. I don't know exactly why nor I have any memory of my thoughts. This is just here as a reminder for me. There is so much I want to say. There is so many feelings being conveyed here. So much, but coming down to it...
It results in nothing.
Just ahead.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Shake up.

Shake me back into the dream.
or back to reality.
For I cannot tell one from the other.
When spacing out,
am I looking out to reality or
is it just a dream/thought.
I don't know.
Fuck.
My brain.
Ugh.
Back to blank-mode.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Keep,

slow.
steady.
up a little.
steady.
steady.
grow.
keep.
you around.
a bit longer.
us,
enjoying.
making every moment worth it.
keep,
you.
yours.
close.
and closer.
Prom Night-- April 16th.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hey you,




You've got a beautiful mind. And I crave it.
My dear, Mr.Cirocksf.

Re-

-tracting.

Sorry.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Lately,

Chill. Relax. Chill. Giggles. Laughs. Kisses. Hugs(>_<). You. Show. Tell.

I don't know.  
Just going to take it all in and enjoy every moment of this while it lasts. 
You make me anxious.
Excited.
You make me smile on the inside.
I like you.
Fuck my life.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Interesting days.

It might not be quite interesting to others but compared to my regular days, its pretty insane. Ok, not insane, but its something good. Not having a car is a bummer and a hassle. I can't drive anywhere. I feel like I've lost my legs. That's a bit too exaggerated. Anyways, lately, I've been sharing a side of me that I usually just keep to myself to someone that I've only really known for a little over a month. Don't get it twisted now, I'm not too crazy. Not too sprung. Just calm. And pretty interested. The girls show interest when I mention you, talk of you. Its nothing too grand. Its believable. The girls questions whether it is a fling or if its serious. Well, it has been only a short period of time, but hey I'll tell you, its been a pretty great short period of time and I don't think I've wasted it. I don't waste my time on flings. If I wanted it to be a fling, I would not waste my time even talking. Its been nice to click with someone pretty quick. At the same time, this process is scaring me and I find my find myself sometimes retracting into my own little shell. I'm not the type to be cared for. I'm not a long-term relationship girl. I'm a month, a weekly typa love. I'm the girl that will make you crazy for a month or so. I'm the type of girl that will believe in crazyness-- that crazyness will never last. You can like me but you will never love me. If you ever make me fall, you'll end up being in-hate with yours truly here. I am not lying, although I might be able to catch myself saying that I will not lie about being honest. Honestly, I'll be damned lying. We are not two peas in a pod. Don't ever call us that because I do not believe in perfection. I stand for myself, not for you. Selfish should not be the word to describe me. I am more selfless than any other. My heart is literal. My mind is concrete. I will not think outside of the box but I am quite open minded and open to new ideas. I will and can only understand if you are logically correct. Don't tell me something 'just because' and don't give me reasons followed by and I-don't-know. You know, and you will find it. No one is ever worth it so don't tell me that I am worth it. Do you and I'll do me. Love me later, but in the meantime, decode me. I am predictable and simply insane. I am no psychotic bitxh. I'm kind. I'm not nice. I'm soft inside that is why I have a hard shell. I am not hard to get, although you just have to let me relax and let you in. I don't see you any different than the others yet. In my eyes, you are you. Please don't get confused. Word for word, is not the way to understand me. Read between the lines, the silence, the pauses. Don't pay too close of attention to my word choices. Good day, to you.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Ahead of time,

The rest of March
  • JA teaching
  • Send in SFSU housing app asap!
  • Ahill Fantastics 3/18
  • Accel orientation 3/23
April
  • Send in the 'yes' for SFSU 4/1
  • Class schedules are out 4/1 
  • No school 4/8
  • SF orientation date (choose classes) 4/9 
  • Alex's 20th. 4/15 
  • Prom 4/16
May
  •  Ahill graduation 5/25 (?)
  • Graduation 5/27
June
  •  Start work again @ Mountain View Pharmaceuticals
  • Best's 17th birthday
  • My 18th birthday
July
  • I have absolutely no idea. 
  • 4th of July 7/4 
August
  • Move in date for SFSU! 8/17
  • First day of Fall Semester @ SFSU 8/23 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sex appeal,

I've got a bit of that in me and I'm not afraid to flaunt it.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Friday, February 18, 2011

Drizzlin',

sprinkling.
pouring.
misty.
drenching.
rain.
valentine's week.

Cuddling only feels natural only when its with you, you douchebag/asshole/jerk/darling/sugga.
Good natural, passionate sexual chemistry we goin' on between us baby.
But I'm the 'other' girl. Only the other girl.

Getting over. Forgetting about J. Not a bad process you know? I didn't lose anything. We had nothing. Or so it seems(ed).
I was losing my mind over a tiny error. You got another babe, glad you're happy.
I got my mind set straight. You were just a fling. I'll put it that way. It wasn't real. But thanks boy, for making me believe that it was though. Looking back, it was just a show, a front, a game, a lie, something other than the truth.
Why did you do that.
Was it because I always paid for everything?
Money was never an issue to me boy, sucks that it was to you.
But hey, good luck to you and your life.
I hope you find a light somewhere at the end of the tunnel. You were great for a bit.

Back to my life,
School is good.
Girls are good.
Cash is good.
Loving the colors and styles set for springtime.
Life is swell.
Can't wait for prom.
No prom date yet.
The only bad thing- no consistency, no stability.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Repetitive.

Single.
I just wanted something stable.
Constant.
Instead I got the same ol' same ol'.
Not that great of an ending.
I think we should've just left it how it was 4 years ago.
I rather check in and out.
Why did you have to let me like you like how I did.
And maybe still do.
And now, why did I make you hate me.
Why did you have to make things bigger than they actually are.
Words especially.
Why didn't you just let me be.
Who's brightass idea was it to make me happy in the first place.
Then take it away.
Smart.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Dis,

appoint.

People don't change. 
Disappointment.
I really do like you boy, but you never fail to disappoint me.
You never fail to make me smile.
You never fail to amuse me.
And you never fail to disappoint.
I'm playing tug-a-war with my decisions now.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Coming back,

that relaxed feeling when you're with someone you care so much about. Just chillin' and relaxin'. Kissing your hands, the back of your hands, your forehead, running my fingers through your hair and such. Just talking about everything. Being so comfortable. Distance may sting a bit but since I have no doubts about you, its a bit less harsh on me. I just hope that history won't repeat itself again because I'm too tired to go through with alla that shit again. Cut me some slack.