So I was just sitting here,

w/ a blank document for this blog. Just staring at the blank page for a minute or so. Listening to the WEDDING DRESS girl version on Youtube.... Even though its short. Its been on replay ever since the first time I heard it. I love a song w/ lyrics. Actually lyrics. Not the type where throughout the song they keep on repeating the title. Shit, that shits annoying as fuck. But lyrics that have the power to affect or cause. That triggers an emotion, then changes your entire mood.


So like. I like how Besth remembers my favorite flower and ice cream. =) And psh,I only hadda mention it once! I needa go see Avatar in 3D before break ends I swear. Im feeling like I'm missing out on alla the news and shit.

Speaking of ice cream and flowers....Im wanting some. And a movie. And cuddle sitting up. Under a warm blankie and warming each other's feet. =) Sounds hellllla warm right?

Gawd, I'ms still unsure if I want school to start or nots. S'lika seeeeesaaaw.

What more may I possibly ask for,

I'd be an idiot to lose her. She's the living proof of a whole unbroken heart. Man, she is so indescribable in sooo many ways. What other people call their 'other half'. Their 'opposite'. The angel of the devil. My left hand. My best friend.

Blame it on the pop

I.AM.CRAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZY. OVER THIS ONE.

Girl's got the shivers,

the shudders, the chillz. Winter's doin its job it seems.

“You’re completely unaware of the effect you have on me.”

— Dan Humphrey, Gossip Girl


Y'know there are REASONS behind why I keep watching this show.

I just received a FS question,

now I've got doubts. Ugh! I wanna pull my fucking hair out. Shit! So much for,_____. Arrggggggggg. Heartpounding, thumping, racing, headthrobbing, beating, spinning.





Whatever, I had a good day today. Despite that fact. That fact of you, that I just received.

Love never tasted so bitter when you kissed me with the tongue of a liar.

I lie too. But see here, I'ma hypocrite.

You just proved to me,

that every guy is the same.

@least the ones that I've been through.




The thing about me though, I'm the nice girl.

Yknow,

trying to get me jealous doesn't work. It only works if you don't try. Smiling at my girls and ignoring me and pretending you don't see me doesn't do shit really.. It just ticks me off that you're actually trying that. But fuck, I miss you. So so so much. Every love song reminds me of you. Every love story, movie reminds me of you. Everything, almost.. reminds me of you in some way. Face's remind me of you. Anywhere where you have been, we have been reminds me of you. Fuck. I can't be thinking of you. I can't be checking up on you every other day. When I'm w/ him, hugging him kissing him holding his hand... I want it, wish it was you. Still. I'm not going to go back and beg for you, talk to you though. We are both stubborn people. We have that in common, we have much more in common also. We clicked. You pretty boy. I love you. But I have to let go, I must. Thas what's wrong w/ me. I always have trouble letting go. I'm still hurt. I tell myself you're over w/me. I'm pretty sure you are. Thas why I have to do the same. I...don't know. I miss it when we love. When we hug and kiss. Every single little detail. I never left off. I peek when we kiss, guilty. I love the passion we have. When we make love. Actually make love. When your fingers tangle in my hair. Along my skin. My neck, and chin. Ah kill me.



I hate my parents. I hate it when they bring you up. What kinda parents are those!? I swear.

I love my girls. So much.

I wish I had that guts,

I reallly wish I did. To tell you how much I miss you.



But I just found out you're already talking to someone else.
Uhm... =)? I guess I'm glad.


(Imagine how I felt and reacted when I first heard so)

Y'know,

I don't like being forgotten. I know I'm a bit self centered. But I like it when I'm thought of. It makes me feel wanted.




I wished you thought of me still.

Deep,

deep breath. Boys, guys, men, 'gentlemen'... ALL.THE.SAME.


Prove me wrong.

Maybe there's a chance,

you're stuck on me too.

Always logged on,
hoping you've checked my profile, blogs, etc.

Maybe its true, I'm caught up on you.
Maybe its all in my head.



Why can't you do me a favor and put everything of yours on private. You're killing me here, this cat. This curious cat.

Deleted scenes,

I deleted my last post. I don't think that blogspot is a smart place to share my most secretive thoughts, feelings, emotions. Xanga has a privacy button, therefore I have reposted it on there. Some people may be able to read it, but not all. Mm, so my thoughts run a whole lot and fast at night. When I'm almost sleepy and all. My mind starts racing. Oh god I have never hated thinking so much in my whole life before til nows. I don't want those thoughts. I try my best to shut off my brain, so I can just sleep soundly. I think I've lost my sense of feelings. Its possible you know that? I learned it in Psych class. Funny how I even know that, I barely pay attention in class. But yeah, for example. I know I'm supposed to FEEL a certain way when something occurs or comes up. I just don't feel it. Shall I call it numbness? I'm not sure.

I haven't gaven up on something in a long while. But now, at this phase I'm practically giving up on almost everything. My school work is what's bothering me. I used to be top of the class, believe it or not. I used to be the one that was trying to push all of my other friends in the right path. Funny, yes. I'm actually a really caring person. I've always been the type to put others before my own self. People tell me I shouldn't do so, its not that healthy for you. Yeah of course I know. I have my own moments where I think to myself and all. Ask myself questions, answer them myself in differnt views, perspectives. I remember, I used to be the one others came to for advice, on anything. Because I've been through most, yeah I'm still young. But I've been through enough, too much for a 16 year old, is what most adults would say if they knew. Only if.

I don't know why I'm typing right now, a bit more than I usually do nowadays. I wonder if I miss who I used to be.. Is who I used to be, good...or bad(?) I think things I say don't always make sense to people. I have a way w/ words, especially mine. Hm, I don't want to be such an emotional person. But I guess I can't exactly always stop it. In person, I'm not that deep of a person, I've lost touch of my deep side. I guess you can put it that way.

I'm not sure who I'm typing to, but I'm just typing whatever comes to mind before my photo class @915. I haven't shot pictures in a while. I've lost motivation. I forgot ever since when, but I'm pretty sure I did. I wonder if its him. Nah....yeah....He was practicallly the only person that believed in me, no matter what. He was the reason why I tried. Because I knew I was smarter than him in a way. I'm not saying this to offend anybody whatsoever. I sorta wanted to set an example for him to follow. He didn't know WHAT to do w/ his life, his knowledge and such. I want him to do better because I knew he could. And he is! His parents don't believe in him, no. Not as much as I did. And I still do. No matter what. I don't have to have any connection with him in order to beleive in him and support him in my own way, in my own mind. I know he can do anything by himself, for he is a strong human being.

I'm glad, that I don't see him in church anymore. Even if I did, he sure doesn't see me. I sit on the other side of church, in between my girls. So they can block him away from my sight, and my thoughts. Trust me, these girls that I have right now, they are the best. They mean so much to me. I'm glad they understand. I can't be ever more grateful to have them in my life.

I should cut here.

Its my dad's birthday today. He's turning 65. I bet you he's probably as old as your guy's grandpa/ma.