C.W.D.K.M

substances take place of blood
the blood running through
my veins.
nights long for never endings.
wonder about whereabouts.
numbing sensations.
good life without each other--thats what we are
hoping.
hopeless hopeful dreams.
left
for what is right.
E.
i will leave the unsaid to the silence.
to death.
taking this
with me to the
grave.
the ocean.
up in flames.
love will not come around again.
it already has.
my only regret was letting you go.
really did not want to live life with regrets at all.
but then you happened.
and then you stopped happening.
dear mister.
dearest.
chase after your dreams.
your desires, love, and lover.

Ring ring.
what the fuck did i just do.
hang up.

only a masochist can love such a narcissist

A good fuck,

I can't seem to write positively.
It doesn't seem I'm good enough.
Not a good enough lover.
Not a good enough fucker.
Not good enough of a kisser.
Kisses not good enough.
Complaints of how I hold you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Want you.
Fuck you.
Suck you.
Its just not good enough.
I'm just the cheap fuck that you don't tip.

Spring,

Spring calls for newly hatched.
Morning dews.
Chilly sunshine.
Flutters on the newly blossomed.
But what I get is the complete u-turn.
Love has been put on pause it seems
and what has blossomed is our turn of throwing in the towel,
calling it a day,
and giving it a rest.
Its been quite a work out, a good work out is not it.
But we're sore all over.
Our love is year is no different than exactly a year ago.
So what has changed.

All he speaks of.
Wilted
Hurt
What
are we doing
Empty
Love
questions of
questions it
sigh*
drag*
loose grips
fine
okays
(not okay)

what he speaks of, I have been steps ahead of those feelings.
I seem ok because I have already felt the same exact feeling that you have right now..last week, last night, last month, last long ago.

I miss us.
Thoughts of old happiness sometimes lead me to think that this is now too old.
Actions and signs of new happiness shows that there is light at the end.

I love to think
that there is no end for this. Maybe this is not our time.
But what if it is.
What if we could.
Only if we both back down.
Swallow our pride, our ego, our jealousy.
All of what that kills us.

What makes us "us"?

What is my specialty.
I used to be nineteen.
She used to be yours.
And you used to be hers.
There was once a time or twice and more where
your body (amazingly evenly rugged) physically was here but she had your soul.

Yes there are thoughts
many thoughts.
A lot of "what?" "what." "what!"
But more silence and nothings have been heard.

I'm tired
correct
but until I'm dead,
I will keep fighting.

I know I've been in the wrong.
Maybe you won't realize it anytime soon.
but.

The big twentyone is coming up.
And I'll be blowing out my candles.
With one with in mind.
Wishes don't come true.
But I shouldn't think like that.
Negative.
I will throw that away.
Just all but hope.
I'm living off hope.
Support me.
Or else I'd be living off and all for nothing.

As I introduced you to embrace darkness
Hold onto me with your light.
We need us.
We are each other's balance.

I do not exist without you.
What is darkness without light.
And how can you tell its bright out without ever seeing it through with blackness.
How can you say its full if you've never seen it empty.

So this is our test.
Step up to the plate.
And hold on.
This ride won't end
until we have reached our final destination.