You say you're feeling bad by 'not treating me right' because of alla the stress you have.
I say, 'its alright.'
Although we both know its not alright but I don't say anything.
But you do,
You say that its not alright.
........
What now.
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing.
Its nice you notice the fact that you're not treating me right.
Thats nice.
Why don't you do something about it.
Why don't you hm?
Am I impossible to please?

Insecurity.
I'm not the type to be insecure.
I used to trust my boyfriends.
I've been insecure once w/ D. Because of J.
Now, its A.
Is it better to be insecure about ONE girl?
Or a whole buncha others.
Why do I feel like the secret lover.
Why.
Why.
Do I come off as a person like that?
How.
Do I have a right to be WTF about this situation?
Are you just being friendly?
What the fuck is this shit?

An: you owe me food/dinner/yogurt/something to eat :D
Ad:hmmmm. theres cereal at my house.. you want cereal? hahahaha
An:-_____- I swear you always have something random for me..
Ad:lmao. do i ?? what else was there
An: the yogurt, iced tea, ice cream .. haha

What the fuck. CEREAL AT YOUR PLACE?
CAN YOU BE FUCKING CONSIDERATE OF WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND THINKS ABOUT THIS?
Your girlfriend=me.
You know exactly how I feel about her.
And to post that shit on FB like that to the public?
Forreal?
COME ON
IM TRYING FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP.
OR WHATEVER THE FUCK WE HAVE.

What a damn fucking relationship. It aint that hard to make me fall in love. Jst make it easier on the both of us and make me fall in love with you already. Wtf.

Testing blogspot blog mobile

I've got parents who are conservative and strict.
I barely go out.
I used to NEVER go out.
You'd expect me to be the good-est girl out there.
The non-corrupted.
I bet that's what my parents were expecting.
Guess what, look at me now.
Lost my virginity when I was 13.
Ran away when I was 14.
C's, D's, F's.
Popped first time, 14.
14 was my year it seems.
15 fell in love my 2nd time.
Had a threesome.
Did weed first time 16.
The only thing I HAVEN'T done is smoke cigarettes.
I'm 17 now.
And I have never loved my parents, out of my 17 years of life.
Who knows, maybe later on.
I'm a corrupted child.
I break rules.
But hey, you can tell me that I should just grow up and stop being sucha slut.
Well hey, that's the past I've been hiding from everybody.
I HAVE changed.
The answer to your question is no, I still do not love my parents.
I changed.
I'm better now.
Alla the things I've done in the past does not define who I am now.
It molded me into this person.
I've grown out of it.
I'm better.
But still corrupted.
I change when I want to.
Not when I have to, need to, are told to.

Try.
Try harder.
Don't try too hard.
Stop trying.
You don't try.

Why should I try.
Because I don't want to give up
What should I try harder on.
School.
To leave you behind.
Make myself happy.
Not being so negative all the time.

I need to stop trying.
Stop trying to make myself fall.
Fall in love.
Push myself over the edge.

I need to try harder.
In school.
Maybe even give it my best.
I need to try harder in weight training.
To believe in myself.
For trust.

You don't try.
We are not in a relationship.
We are each other's fuck buddies.
You don't try to make me love you.
You don't try to love me.
No rush.
Its been a while.
Am I wasting my time?
I already know the answer to my own question.
(yes).

Sugga.
Sugarcoat.
Sugarcoat from sugar-ed lips.
Sugarcoated with sugar.
Sugarcoated with lies and bullshit.
Therefore sugar is bullshit.
So sugga is full of bullshit.
The us, is a lie.

Fucked up.

All of a sudden I'm not as important to you as I was yesterday.
Not like there was a difference of the two days.
Or the days before that.
Or the months before that.
Nor the days that will be coming in the future.
What did I get myself into.
I should've listened.
I SHOULD listen,
when people tell me to let go soon.
You know, before I get myself into some deeper shit.
Yes I said it, shit.
Probably worse than that.
My boyfriend is out with other girls,
sleeping with other girls,
having fun with other girls,
etc..
And me?
Well let me inform you.
I also help out w/that.
I make myself boring by making/attempting absolutely no small talk.
No calls,
no speaking/texting.
Do nothing during sex, fucking.
Not listening.
Texting. Sitting up on the bed.
Not caring.
But see, I can do all of this.
But I haven't done what I would normally do:
date someone else.
Because unlike you, I've grown from that.
Because unlike you, I can love.

I gotta keep in mind. The boy wants my heart, he will have to earn it.

But he's not. He doesn't really care. Its all words. No actions.
What now.
Foolishnessss.

Alex. April 12.

Maybe I should've chased.
I've realized the only friends that would be there for me in an instant are
boys.
No.
The gentlemen.
I know what you think.
Boys only wanna hang out with me because they're asking for a lil 'somethin something' in return.
Men, they're there for you. Telling you to never trust boys.
Those are the real men.
Why can't they be mine.
Wait hold up.
Why would I do that, ruin a friendship like that.
Of course I wouldn't.



There's someone I love.

Just when I think about someone new, I keep on forgetting to forget about you

And yet, I'm not quite sure what the reason is.

Typical night,

I'm sitting here calling you, dialing you number, again. While saying out loud: "What a fool. What a fucking fool." Hah. *hangs up.

Baby,

Love the cover.



Blankness. Blank thoughts. Can't think of what to think when asked 'what are you thinking'. That type of blank.
Everyday.
Well almost.
Some moments aren't blank.
Thats probably because I'm mad.
Or I really like a song.
Or when Im watching a movie.
But otherwise,
my mind is blank.
Is that a good thing?
No stress I guess.
I've been through enough to not fall easily.
I know better, so I pick myself quick once
I
first can tell that I'm
falling, trippn. Whatever it is.
This year was going by fast.
But at this moment,
shit man
its goin' by real slow.
Anyways,
is it normal to not have any emotion?
Like at all?
Not happy. So does that immediately mean that I'm sad?
I'm not exactly quite sad.
But I'm pretty darn sure that I'm not happy.
Someone, figure me out!
Because I can't seem to figure myself out.
Help me.
No. Wait.
Don't.
I have to help myself.
Pull myself outta this. Whatever 'this' is.
God.
What am I thinking. I have to be strong.
I now have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.
Its ok, I guess no one reads this anymore.
Story,
I'm dating, been dating someone for uhm,
what.... 8 months? Sorta.
Yet, we're going nowhere.
Its just gonna stay there.
Right where it was, and still is.
I tell myself, Its ok.
No rush.
I've been through enough,
no need for love.
Right?
Agree?
Disagree?
I doubt you would.
Betchu anything you agree w/.
Love has lost its meaning to me.
W/ a significant other I meant.
I feel like its not a need.
Well friendship love w/ the girls<3, yes.
But with someONE else.
Unless that ONE person, can reassure me.
That I CAN love.
That its possible.
I feel like,
well lately,
I've been,
longer than lately.
Just a friend to you, with LOTSA benefits.
Don't feel bad.
*deep breath.
You oughta know.
Boy.
Something more than an I,
miss you.
Something more than,
fucking.
Something w/ making,
love.