Ending the year,

I found myself being on the phone with someone, laughing on the phone with someone until my tummy hurts, my cheeks hurt. I also found myself ignoring your phone calls. Don't keep your eyes and attention off a bad girl, she might not be there the next time you look. She will be gone in a blink of an eye. Please don't take your eyes off of her, you're making a terrible mistake for doing so.
Back to being used to not checking my phone anymores. Congrats to me, I didn't needa be getting used to anything new and different.
Well anyways, good news, I'll be spending my New Year's Eve with my bestfriend. That's all I'll be needing. Since its my mom's birthday, I won't be able to go to any parties and such. But hey, I'm fine with not getting drunk and trashed up for the New Year.

Christmas In The Park, 2010.

Happiness doesn't come around that often for me. So I shall make the most out of it while it lasts.

I am reminded of you<3.

A new thing that can prove to me that there IS such thing as,

different. I guess in some way.
Well, honestly, since I was high and I don't exactly remember much about what happened,
You're now less on my mind.
Sorry to say that.
We should have stayed sober.
We should not have stayed in a room together.
Even though we didn't...
Wanting you physically now just somewhat overpowers me wanting you mentally.
But right now, I'll update on what's been up for the past week:
I was so sprung over this 'him'. The sweetest thing.
Where has he been all my life.
And fuck my life, why did I say yes to weed.
Although I did remember that one kiss. You know, the one that got my heart to burn up and me to get lightheaded..
I wouldn't have remembered it if you didn't mention it.

I honestly don't want that.
I don't want you to be just any of my past guys and I also don't want to be just any girl.
I genuinely like you and am very into you.
That is the reason why I want to move slow.
I don't want to fuck.
I want something with passion in it.
I have so much pride in myself that I can actually somewhat control myself when I'm around you.
A bit.
But its been awhile since I've encountered a wild thing like you. Wild, but sweet.
Passionate, filled with want and need and desire. A lot of fire but also a lot of cooling down that was needed.
I'm sprung.

Someone slap me. Tell me its okay for me to be happy for once.
Tell my its okay to fall.
Because I do not want to hold my guard up for him.
For he did not make the mistakes that the past has made.

Lucky guy, caught me when I'm down to fall for a nice guy. When I'm down to commit. When I'm down to you know, just wear my heart on my sleeve.

Infatuation has taken over my system.
Call me crazy.

Tell me a story, even if it's a lie.

Dear j.m,
im genuinely into you.
no lie.
no rebound.
=)
i adore that youre willing to move slow with me.

Random-- Irritation. I'd rather be in a mother fucking relationship and get hurt by the same person over and over again but in the same way...than be single and get hurt by different people in various different ways.
Fuck you.

Gee,

Break up with her.
Kiss me.
Get back with her.
Fuck you.

Dead love still walks on my path.
Fuck you.

Nowhere to be found.
Oh and my boyfriend criticizes how I dress, -____-.
Im sorry.
Which should I stick to, fashion or you.
Fashion offers me love.
You don't.
Which is the better bet.

"I wouldn't give two fucks if you dropped dead right in front of me right now."

Because see, you wouldn't have gave a fuck either.
Sometimes I wonder who would cry/hurt/miss me if I died.
I just wonder.
Til then, you wouldn't recognize who's your real friend or not.

Worn out,

Case of the x.
Makes things more awkward than anything.
Whatevers, I'm over it.
Anyways,
boyfriend.
Things haven't been improving. I should start being more independent and live my own schedule now since I have my own car.
I must learn how to not include you in my schedule and be fine with it.
Because we ain't attached anymore.
The feeling ain't there.
We are nothing more than fuck buddies.
That is the truth. I can't make myself believe in your lies.
The lies that we are currently having this relationship with.
No happiness is present. At least its not 100% really true.
Its just what we expect.
Its natural.
I'm 'just there'.
You're 'just there'.
What's the point of this relationship.
Its a waste of my time.
Why am I still continuing.
I'm wasting your time also.
I must focus on something else.
Possibly a 'someone' else(?)
Nah.
Not at the moment.
I'm fine how I am.
You haven't helped me at all in becoming a less.. 'empty' person.
You haven't helped me find myself.
I didn't grow up because of you.
Now that I think about it.
The college environment made me grow up.
I'm worn out, that's true.
From you. You've worn me out.
And also the previous guys I've had a 'thing' with.
You aren't the reason for my so-called 'improvement'.
You fill up my day, thanks.
But now, I'm too used to having you all the time.
I've neglected possible friendships, etc.
I must make new plans.
I must focus.
I must be healthy.
You have your own life and now the only difference is that I won't be in it anymore.
You know it yourself. You're done.
I'm done.
One of us just needs to be the first to break it to the other person.

Love is true on its own. You can't fake being in love unless there's a part of you that actually do love them. I can prove it.

We can only be good for less than 24 hrs.

Your arms are wrapped tightly around her body.
Her arms are fully around your waist.
You two are wearing the same smile.
She isn't me.
Burnt.
Lightheaded.
Nauseous.
Full of anxiety.
I wish I was a stranger to you.
Strangers are better than now.
Maybe if I was a stranger,
you'd fall back in love w/me.
After all, that's how we started.
But this time, nothing would get in the way.
Right?
No.
False.
I want to cross your path.
I want to cross your mind.
I want to cross your life.
I'm tired of this, I just want you.
Its hard to compare others when I've already had a taste of the best.

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

I don't want to doubt you.
I just want to trust you.
But you make it hard for me to believe you,
and your actions,
your words,
and shit.
Theres always something 'fishy' goin on it seems.
I marvel at how you can keep this game going.
I thought once you get into a relationship officially, there should be no games.
"Either you in or you out" typa shit, yknow?
Am I wrong to think this way?
Please reassure me.
Cling on a little tighter.
Do whatever.
Make yourself stand in the boyfriend position.
Treat me like a girlfriend.
Turn this into a real relationship, not just with the label
but with feelings and emotions also.
We can have sex.
We can fuck.
Hot, sweaty, sexy, like a porn film.
But could we ever make love?

Yesterday, we had a talk.
Today, the talk seems like it meant nothing.

You say you're feeling bad by 'not treating me right' because of alla the stress you have.
I say, 'its alright.'
Although we both know its not alright but I don't say anything.
But you do,
You say that its not alright.
........
What now.
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing.
Its nice you notice the fact that you're not treating me right.
Thats nice.
Why don't you do something about it.
Why don't you hm?
Am I impossible to please?

Insecurity.
I'm not the type to be insecure.
I used to trust my boyfriends.
I've been insecure once w/ D. Because of J.
Now, its A.
Is it better to be insecure about ONE girl?
Or a whole buncha others.
Why do I feel like the secret lover.
Why.
Why.
Do I come off as a person like that?
How.
Do I have a right to be WTF about this situation?
Are you just being friendly?
What the fuck is this shit?

An: you owe me food/dinner/yogurt/something to eat :D
Ad:hmmmm. theres cereal at my house.. you want cereal? hahahaha
An:-_____- I swear you always have something random for me..
Ad:lmao. do i ?? what else was there
An: the yogurt, iced tea, ice cream .. haha

What the fuck. CEREAL AT YOUR PLACE?
CAN YOU BE FUCKING CONSIDERATE OF WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND THINKS ABOUT THIS?
Your girlfriend=me.
You know exactly how I feel about her.
And to post that shit on FB like that to the public?
Forreal?
COME ON
IM TRYING FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP.
OR WHATEVER THE FUCK WE HAVE.

What a damn fucking relationship. It aint that hard to make me fall in love. Jst make it easier on the both of us and make me fall in love with you already. Wtf.

Testing blogspot blog mobile

I've got parents who are conservative and strict.
I barely go out.
I used to NEVER go out.
You'd expect me to be the good-est girl out there.
The non-corrupted.
I bet that's what my parents were expecting.
Guess what, look at me now.
Lost my virginity when I was 13.
Ran away when I was 14.
C's, D's, F's.
Popped first time, 14.
14 was my year it seems.
15 fell in love my 2nd time.
Had a threesome.
Did weed first time 16.
The only thing I HAVEN'T done is smoke cigarettes.
I'm 17 now.
And I have never loved my parents, out of my 17 years of life.
Who knows, maybe later on.
I'm a corrupted child.
I break rules.
But hey, you can tell me that I should just grow up and stop being sucha slut.
Well hey, that's the past I've been hiding from everybody.
I HAVE changed.
The answer to your question is no, I still do not love my parents.
I changed.
I'm better now.
Alla the things I've done in the past does not define who I am now.
It molded me into this person.
I've grown out of it.
I'm better.
But still corrupted.
I change when I want to.
Not when I have to, need to, are told to.

Try.
Try harder.
Don't try too hard.
Stop trying.
You don't try.

Why should I try.
Because I don't want to give up
What should I try harder on.
School.
To leave you behind.
Make myself happy.
Not being so negative all the time.

I need to stop trying.
Stop trying to make myself fall.
Fall in love.
Push myself over the edge.

I need to try harder.
In school.
Maybe even give it my best.
I need to try harder in weight training.
To believe in myself.
For trust.

You don't try.
We are not in a relationship.
We are each other's fuck buddies.
You don't try to make me love you.
You don't try to love me.
No rush.
Its been a while.
Am I wasting my time?
I already know the answer to my own question.
(yes).

Sugga.
Sugarcoat.
Sugarcoat from sugar-ed lips.
Sugarcoated with sugar.
Sugarcoated with lies and bullshit.
Therefore sugar is bullshit.
So sugga is full of bullshit.
The us, is a lie.

Fucked up.

All of a sudden I'm not as important to you as I was yesterday.
Not like there was a difference of the two days.
Or the days before that.
Or the months before that.
Nor the days that will be coming in the future.
What did I get myself into.
I should've listened.
I SHOULD listen,
when people tell me to let go soon.
You know, before I get myself into some deeper shit.
Yes I said it, shit.
Probably worse than that.
My boyfriend is out with other girls,
sleeping with other girls,
having fun with other girls,
etc..
And me?
Well let me inform you.
I also help out w/that.
I make myself boring by making/attempting absolutely no small talk.
No calls,
no speaking/texting.
Do nothing during sex, fucking.
Not listening.
Texting. Sitting up on the bed.
Not caring.
But see, I can do all of this.
But I haven't done what I would normally do:
date someone else.
Because unlike you, I've grown from that.
Because unlike you, I can love.

I gotta keep in mind. The boy wants my heart, he will have to earn it.

But he's not. He doesn't really care. Its all words. No actions.
What now.
Foolishnessss.

Alex. April 12.

Maybe I should've chased.
I've realized the only friends that would be there for me in an instant are
boys.
No.
The gentlemen.
I know what you think.
Boys only wanna hang out with me because they're asking for a lil 'somethin something' in return.
Men, they're there for you. Telling you to never trust boys.
Those are the real men.
Why can't they be mine.
Wait hold up.
Why would I do that, ruin a friendship like that.
Of course I wouldn't.



There's someone I love.

Just when I think about someone new, I keep on forgetting to forget about you

And yet, I'm not quite sure what the reason is.

Typical night,

I'm sitting here calling you, dialing you number, again. While saying out loud: "What a fool. What a fucking fool." Hah. *hangs up.

Baby,

Love the cover.



Blankness. Blank thoughts. Can't think of what to think when asked 'what are you thinking'. That type of blank.
Everyday.
Well almost.
Some moments aren't blank.
Thats probably because I'm mad.
Or I really like a song.
Or when Im watching a movie.
But otherwise,
my mind is blank.
Is that a good thing?
No stress I guess.
I've been through enough to not fall easily.
I know better, so I pick myself quick once
I
first can tell that I'm
falling, trippn. Whatever it is.
This year was going by fast.
But at this moment,
shit man
its goin' by real slow.
Anyways,
is it normal to not have any emotion?
Like at all?
Not happy. So does that immediately mean that I'm sad?
I'm not exactly quite sad.
But I'm pretty darn sure that I'm not happy.
Someone, figure me out!
Because I can't seem to figure myself out.
Help me.
No. Wait.
Don't.
I have to help myself.
Pull myself outta this. Whatever 'this' is.
God.
What am I thinking. I have to be strong.
I now have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.
Its ok, I guess no one reads this anymore.
Story,
I'm dating, been dating someone for uhm,
what.... 8 months? Sorta.
Yet, we're going nowhere.
Its just gonna stay there.
Right where it was, and still is.
I tell myself, Its ok.
No rush.
I've been through enough,
no need for love.
Right?
Agree?
Disagree?
I doubt you would.
Betchu anything you agree w/.
Love has lost its meaning to me.
W/ a significant other I meant.
I feel like its not a need.
Well friendship love w/ the girls<3, yes.
But with someONE else.
Unless that ONE person, can reassure me.
That I CAN love.
That its possible.
I feel like,
well lately,
I've been,
longer than lately.
Just a friend to you, with LOTSA benefits.
Don't feel bad.
*deep breath.
You oughta know.
Boy.
Something more than an I,
miss you.
Something more than,
fucking.
Something w/ making,
love.

I made him my priority,

when to him, I'm only an option.

GIRLS NIGHT! 1/16

Hey,

I tried to say sorry. I mean, I tried.

formspring.me

I'm curious about, http://formspring.me/Tiffaliciouz

formspring.me

I'm curious about, http://formspring.me/Tiffaliciouz

Pop goes my heart,

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head. B'then POP goes my heart

Don't write me off just yet,

I'm trynna make up a reason to why I THINK I may be falling for you. I say I THINK because I'm still a bit of a pussy for admitting that I actually am. I can't think of a more clear way to put this.

-allkindsarewonderful

Trynna,

figure out if its a nod or a thumbs down. Please prove to me, in anyway possible. I just need reassurance. Please, prettty please?






Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.
-tellytothe

You can tell a lot about a person’s character by what they smile about

I ain't lying here nows. =)

"As much as you give her a reason not to trust you, a girl will sometimes push that aside and mark it in her head as void. She won’t give up, more importantly she won’t give up on you. And you know why? it’s probably because she see’s so much good and potential in you that you can’t see. She probably didn’t listen to the advice that people gave her-you know the advice that said “you should drop him-he’s not good for you” because she thought with patience and love, you could probably acknowledge the good person you can be. So it wasn’t mandatory for her to stay- but you see, she puts up with the bullshit that is called your life. And that right there is a women pushing aside her pride for YOU. And do you ever give her appreciation for that? probably not."